Three Ghosts?

February 17, 2009 at 6:37 am Leave a comment

I don’t, for whatever reason, dream about teaching. That’s bothered me a little bit. If you care about something as much as I care about teaching, shouldn’t it invade your dreams? My colleagues talk about their teaching dreams…

Last night was no exception, on the surface. I did, however, dream about some of my students.

I was at a football game, and one of the players was a boy named [C]. He was one of my very favorite students during my student teaching: a strong, sensitive, brilliant boy who could write poetry as well as he could find the end zone. You know, the sort of kid who only actually exists in cheesy movies – except he’s for real. In real life he’s still in high school, but in my dream he’d grown several inches and many pounds and was a star of the local college team.

I was sitting outside the stadium with a small group of people, feeling lonely and slightly irritated about something (I think it had to do with people over-imbibing, given a comment someone in my dream made, but that’s irrelevant) when up comes [C], fresh from a victory. He sat down and talked to me for a while, genuinely happy to see me. It was clear that we were friends, not just former student/teacher. It was a lovely feeling. We walked away together, talking.

From there, I walked into a very full room – a band room, I think, that was being used as a presentation room for some sort of meeting. The first person to meet me at the door was [J], one of  my current students, only instead of being thirteen she was closer to 30. Also, instead of being one of my least favorite faces to see in the morning, she was someone near and dear to my heart. We greeted each other, so happy to see one another. Again, it was clear that our relationship was one between friends, not a teacher and a student.

I took my seat on the far side of the room, melancholy again because [C] had had to leave and [J] was working and couldn’t come hang out with me. And then, there I saw him: [T], my best friend from high school and much of college, the kid so much a part of me that I sometimes can’t distinguish whether he was a friend or a relative or what. Despite the fact that [T] and I parted ways, somewhat non-amicably, years ago, he still haunts my dreams. I miss him horribly.

In my dream he came over and sat by me, and it was the most wonderful thing ever. We hadn’t ever fought. We hadn’t ever grown apart. It was like our friendship had just continued on, and we were now at the natural point that a friendship would have reached after (counting…) thirteen years. If you’ve ever wrapped yourself up in a blanket fresh out of the dryer, you know how good that dream-segment felt.

Then I woke up, smiling – literally, which is unusual for me – and it took me a good three or four minutes before I realized that [T] was no longer a part of my life, and that [J] was still an unusually obnoxious seventh grader, and that [C] probably didn’t even know who I was anymore.

Why be visited by these three specters? [T], I get. I can even understand [C]. But [J]?? Weird.



Stimulated Gee, Thanks

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The Bee’s Knees

This is the teaching journal of a student first-year second-year THIRD-YEAR (!!!) English teacher. I am writing this blog as a reflection for myself, a way to keep friends and family updated, and a sharing-ground between other educators online. I love comments!

I am striving to maintain anonymity on this blog so that I may more freely interact with my fellow edubloggers. If you know who I am, please help me protect my anonymity in your comments. I use pseudonyms or initials for everyone I write about to preserve their anonymity as well.

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