If seventh graders wrote the Inaugural Address

January 22, 2009 at 6:38 pm 7 comments

It’s been Big Week of Inauguration at my school. I’ve been working it into just about everything we’ve done this week. To kick things off, we watched the inauguration and then did a fun “write your own inauguration speech” activity that I lightly modified from a Scholastic printable. For the most part, the kids enjoyed coming up with key points they’d make in their first official address as the leader of the free world and trying to emulate the oratorical style in the examples I provided.

I collected the speeches yesterday, but just got around to reading them this afternoon. Unsurprisingly, there were some real gems. It’s clear now that the primary reason seventh graders can’t be President is that their Inaugural Addresses would just be too dang hard to take seriously.

Behold, actual examples from my real students’ inaugural speeches. None of these were taken from those “crazy things kids say” books or viral emails. They’re all originals. 🙂 Ready?

This is a speech that will be remembered.

Hey please calm down I have a lot of fun things for this country.

My fellow Americans, our time is up, our economy is horrible and our children are uneducated.

My fellow Americans, I stand before you today not as a dictator but as a chosen leader and I can guarantee success in the next four years that I in office.

My dear fellow Americans. We have come together on this wonderful winter day to celebrate my congregation.

I had a dream that you will pick me for President. That people will enter their wallets with the name of [student name] on them.

Today I will tell you three ideas that I will put down and see if it will work.

I want to give homes to the homeless. To do this, I want to organize a large group of people to help me build at least 200 houses for the homeless. We will also need a lot of wood and brick so please donate any you have.

I will destroy opera. Opera sucks. She is ugly, loud and annoying. She does not belong with us and must go.

I wanted to discuss our rights to our country. First I wanted to send our troops to Africa and go to war with all the bad people who kill for no reason and lower gas so we can get around and do important things and draft all the rapists into war.

As we are here trying to fix the economy, stop the war, and lower prices, I can assure you that I will change that in these next four years.

My first act as president I would like to end the war against Iraq. So we can stop killing people. And so we can stop dieting.

We must be very careful when near schools we must go 11 MPH we have to take action.

You will also see economy making more money to provide cheaper food and resources. There’s truly nothing worse than seeing people die over our bad economy. (Note: I have no idea what economy is.)

I will end world Hungary.

You may wonder how I can stop war. I can bring our troops back to America, so the other team won’t be able to fight us.

Every year kids died to cancer.

There shouldn’t be any drugs because every person that does drugs get other person to do drugs and soon more people will do drugs than we have drugs.

To shut down McDonalds I will sell it to Asian countries to end world hunger.

No hunting in certain areas like forests.

There is deal over land well we should have more. Russia is our next target. After that we take Canada.

Another one of my ideas are to stop war. I am not impressed on how many people die from it.

I am going to find a way to lower gas prices. Every one is always complaining about gas prices. If that is what Americans want that is what will happen. It is a problem for me too.

During my presidency I will change America for the batter.

I think all the countries should like each other.

My goals are to make the economy a better place. Another goal is to try to make the world a better place. My third goal is to be the best president for you. I hope to accomplish these using goals.

Teachers are one problem in our country.

During the next four years of my presidency, I will make people think and say hey he sounds like a good president.

The earth is a garbage bag.

The second thing I would like to do is build more amusement parks. I don’t think there is nearly enough.

In this speech I will put more people in the military.

Students naturally have to spend 5/7 of their childhood going to school. People end up dying just for the reason of drugs. What good comes from it?

I would reduce sales tax on clothes is because when I go shopping and I find a sweatshirt and it is $12.99 I want to pay $12.99.

As me being President I am going to help the starving people because we are a country of kindness we are getting more jobs being lost and more and more families living on the street, I want to help that.

I think that if more jobs are created, people would stop loosing their homes.

I say that Waldo needs to be found. This challenge has eluded even our brightest men and women for generations.

I would like to make a gooder education that is more fun.

Drugs and asshole are the two leading reasons for death in the U.S.

All countries have their moment. Poland and Russia have had leaders who brainwash their people. Stalin did it to his people. Now Obama, with the help of the media that prazes him, will destroy the economy. People will eventually see he isn’t telling the full truth.

More and more people are getting kidnapped, so that’s why we need cell phones.

To stop the wars that we are in, I will try to make peace with them. Somehow… Or I will pull back our troops, and send them back if needed. I am still thinking about what to do.

My last idea for this speech will not be my last.

I think that the education in this country is very bad so I shall improve it extremely.

I will also get rid of Oprah. She will no longer be showing any more.

During the next 48 years of my presidency, I can promise you many great changes will be made.

I’m your president and that’s what I will do.

Well thanks for listening to speech. Let’s make this next four years a blast from the past.

Thank you for listening to speech of world domination. Good night and hope you drive safely.

That’s the end of my speech and yeah America!


Entry filed under: FUN STUFF, STUDENTS.

Nice Underpants, Dahlink Bad Idea of the Day

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kate Monster  |  January 22, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    Personally, I just wish we’d known before that all it took to end a war was to go away so the other “team” couldn’t get to you…

  • 2. madhousewife  |  January 23, 2009 at 11:25 am

    These are all awesome! (Though I’m a little worried about the kid who wants to end Hungary.)

  • 3. baboatman  |  January 24, 2009 at 7:05 am

    i just stumbled on your blog…and i am crying….laughing so hard i am crying! i am sending everyone i know to read these…priceless! and what a great assignment for the kids.
    thank you for sharing

  • 4. Clix  |  January 24, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    Seriously? I love this. XD

  • 5. Stixen  |  January 28, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    I still agree with the kid who wants us to find Waldo 😉

  • 6. Rachel  |  November 8, 2010 at 10:35 am

    HA! I had to stop mid-way through and save these for another day, I was laughing so hard!

  • 7. Ms. W  |  November 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    I want to meet the kid who said find Waldo and shake his or her hand. Seriously, that was the best one.


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The Bee’s Knees

This is the teaching journal of a student first-year second-year THIRD-YEAR (!!!) English teacher. I am writing this blog as a reflection for myself, a way to keep friends and family updated, and a sharing-ground between other educators online. I love comments!

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